Why Most Negotiation Training is Absolute Rubbish (And What Actually Works)

Our Favourite Blogs:

• Further Resources
• My Thoughts

Here's something that'll make your blood boil: 87% of corporate negotiation workshops are teaching people to be corporate doormats. I know this because I've spent seventeen years cleaning up the mess left behind by these feel-good seminars that prioritise politeness over performance.

Let me be brutally honest with you. If you've attended one of those "win-win" negotiation courses where everyone leaves feeling warm and fuzzy, you've probably been sold a lemon. The real world doesn't give two hoots about your collaborative spirit when there's serious money on the table.

I learned this the hard way back in 2009 when I walked into a supplier meeting armed with nothing but Harvard Business School theories and a misguided belief that being "fair" would somehow magically result in better outcomes. Got absolutely demolished. The bloke across the table probably bought his kids a new trampoline with the extra margin I handed him on a silver platter.

The uncomfortable truth about Australian business culture

We Australians have this bizarre cultural hangup about being "too aggressive" in negotiations. It's like we're all terrified someone might think we're being rude or demanding. News flash: the Americans and Europeans we're competing against didn't get that memo.

Brisbane-based manufacturing companies are particularly guilty of this. I've watched brilliant engineers and project managers turn into apologetic puddles the moment they have to negotiate terms with interstate suppliers.

It's not just embarrassing. It's expensive.

What they don't teach you in those expensive courses

Most negotiation training focuses on tactics and psychological tricks. They'll spend three hours teaching you about "anchoring" and "mirroring" like you're some sort of discount magician. Complete waste of time.

The real secret? Information asymmetry.

Whoever knows more about the other party's situation, constraints, and alternatives holds all the cards. Everything else is just theatre. I once helped a Perth mining contractor save $2.3 million on equipment purchases simply by doing proper homework on the vendor's quarterly targets. No fancy tactics required.

Here's what actually matters:

Research beats charisma every single time. While your competitors are practising their "active listening" faces in the mirror, you should be on LinkedIn figuring out who's under pressure to hit their numbers this quarter.

Timing is everything. The same proposal that gets rejected in January might get approved in March if you understand budget cycles. Most people negotiate when it's convenient for them, not when it's advantageous.

Multiple options create leverage. Having genuine alternatives isn't just helpful – it's mandatory. If you can't walk away, you're not negotiating. You're begging.

The Melbourne mindset problem

Speaking of walking away, this brings me to my biggest gripe with Australian corporate culture. We're too bloody nice for our own good.

Melbourne's professional services sector is particularly guilty of this. I've seen lawyers – lawyers! – accepting fee structures that would make a first-year commerce student cringe. All because they're terrified of seeming "difficult" or "unreasonable."

When did reasonable become a dirty word? Since when did asking for fair value become some sort of character flaw?

The Americans have got this figured out. They'll smile, shake your hand, compliment your coffee, then systematically extract every possible concession without breaking a sweat. Meanwhile, we're apologising for taking up their valuable time.

What works (and what doesn't)

After nearly two decades of watching good people get steamrolled, here's what I've learned actually works:

Preparation beats personality. I don't care how charming you are or how well you can read body language. If you don't know their pain points, you're flying blind. The most successful negotiators I know are often awkward, slightly antisocial people who do exceptional research.

Emotion is the enemy. The moment you start feeling excited about a potential deal, you've lost perspective. Professional negotiators – the ones who actually make money – are remarkably boring people. They stick to their numbers regardless of how enthusiastic the other party gets.

Silence is underrated. Most Australians are pathologically uncomfortable with quiet moments in conversation. We'll fill every gap with nervous chatter, often talking ourselves out of advantageous positions. Learn to shut up after making an offer.

This is particularly important when dealing with managing difficult conversations. Sometimes the most difficult conversation is the one where nothing gets said.

The integration trap

Here's where most people mess up: they treat negotiation as a separate skill rather than integrating it into their overall business strategy. Big mistake.

Negotiation isn't something you do occasionally when buying equipment or renewing contracts. It's something you should be doing constantly – with employees, suppliers, customers, even your accountant. It's a way of thinking, not a technique you dust off for special occasions.

Adelaide's technology startups are surprisingly good at this. Maybe it's because they're used to operating on thin margins, but they approach every business interaction with a subtle awareness of leverage and alternatives. They don't even realise they're negotiating half the time.

Compare that to some of the established Sydney firms I've worked with, who seem to think negotiation is something unseemly that happens in backroom deals. These companies often pay premium prices for everything because they've never developed systematic approaches to value extraction.

The collaboration delusion

Let me address the elephant in the room: collaborative negotiation. Yes, it exists. Yes, it sometimes works. But it's not the default solution that most training companies would have you believe.

True collaboration requires trust, transparency, and aligned incentives. How often do you think those conditions actually exist in competitive business environments?

Most of the time, what people call "collaborative negotiation" is actually one party being systematically outmaneuvered by a more prepared opponent. The stronger party simply frames their demands in collaborative language to make the weaker party feel good about accepting unfavorable terms.

I'm not saying you should be dishonest or manipulative. I'm saying you should be realistic about the nature of commercial relationships. Your suppliers are not your friends. Your customers are not your family. Everyone's trying to optimise their own position, and pretending otherwise just makes you an easier target.

What actually works in the real world

After making every possible mistake in my early career, here's what I now teach clients:

Set your walk-away point before you start. Write it down. Don't deviate from it. The moment you start rationalising why you should accept less favorable terms, you've entered dangerous territory.

Focus on the total package, not individual components. Most amateur negotiators get fixated on price and ignore payment terms, delivery schedules, warranty provisions, and cancellation clauses. Professional buyers often concede on headline price while extracting value through contract structure.

Understand their alternatives. What happens to their business if they don't reach agreement with you? If they have better options, you need to either create more value or lower your expectations. If they don't, you have more leverage than you probably realise.

These principles apply whether you're handling office politics or closing million-dollar deals. The scale changes but the fundamentals remain constant.

The confidence paradox

Here's something that took me years to understand: confidence in negotiation comes from preparation, not personality. The most naturally charismatic people often make terrible negotiators because they rely on charm instead of doing the hard work of understanding the situation.

Introverted accountants frequently outperform extroverted sales managers in complex negotiations because they're more comfortable with detailed analysis and less likely to get caught up in the social dynamics of the interaction.

This is particularly relevant for technical professionals who've been told they need to "work on their people skills" to advance their careers. Often, what they actually need is better preparation methods and clearer frameworks for thinking about value exchange.

Final thoughts

The negotiation training industry has convinced too many good people that being effective means being manipulative. It doesn't. Being prepared, clear about your objectives, and realistic about commercial relationships isn't manipulation – it's professionalism.

Your business deserves better than wishful thinking disguised as strategy. Your stakeholders deserve better than good intentions without practical results.

Stop apologising for wanting fair value. Start preparing like your competition depends on it.

Because it does.